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Chapter 15 - It gets real. Juula, an Estonian girl visits Del at the ICU - Text Editing will soon take a quantum leap forward

            

THE STORY OF DEL - Delete

Del came back to his senses chastising himself. Lucidity, lucidity at all costs! Machines don't beg doctors to kill patients! Lucidity, damn it!!!
How is lucidity obtained when in a coma? he wondered. And as always, because of his experience, the answer came instantaneously: prayer. He mumbled a Rosary.
And in the middle of a Glory Be, out of the blue but with poignant clarity, he remembered a moment well after he had been banished from the keyboards, but shortly before the 'additives' - the damned drugs - had lost their magic. He had met a marvelous Estonian girl, marvelous because she was so pure and clean and straight and unsullied by drugs or cynicism or attitudes. Juula was fresh and had honest twinkles in her eyes. Del had been entranced. But after all the bad living he'd been through (with the worst yet to come) for all he was bedazzled, he had refrained from courting her because for the first time in his life, he knew with 'tragic' certainty that he was unworthy, that he would only bring her harm. He was like a muddy galosh in a clean room.
He should've followed up on that sentiment and cleaned up his act, but he felt ashamed in her presence and after catching himself leering at her like the dirty old man on the cover of Jethro Tull's Aqualung album, he nosedived.
And from recreational use, the drugs turned serious. Yes, that's when the silly giggles turned to cold sneers. Juula, that paragon of beauty and desirability had unwittingly slung him into a state of 'what's-the-use' - also known as 'the waiting room to hell.'
Whoa! Wait, wait, wait a minute here! Just a frigging minute!! What did Juula have to do with anything? Why was she back in his life? Had his prayer backfired? Was he on some sort of guilt trip? Guilt for what? He hadn't touched her! In the end, Del could only sweeten his countenance with a wan smile and helplessly murmur "whatever..."





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